Welcome to Scam Central

Most tourists to Saigon who aren't too sedate will spend at least some time in the Pham Ngu Lao (Phạm Ngũ Lão) (PNL) backpacker district. It's the area with the densest and cheapest array of all kinds of services for foreigners and with the most easily available information for anything you might want to know. It's also where you'll see the highest concentration of foreigners lumbering about along with the parasitic element that preys upon them.

By my own completely unscientific estimate, over 90% of the foreigners you see strolling around PNL at any given time will be gone within a week. It's a transient stage of travel for most which only lends a stronger incentive to the predators who have become consummate professionals at taking a bite out their asses while they're there.

Single Western males are subject to an obvious form of solicitation more so than others as I can attest to. I remember my first night in PNL, almost 3 years ago now, when the area seemed an endless and interesting carnival of activity. It's nice to be able to walk down a series of connected streets and find restaurant after bar after travel bureau after convenience mart after barber shop after etc., all with price levels that are cheap by any Western standard and with all the signage and communication in English. That first night, as I ventured a little away from the frenetic center of the district to one of the bordering parks, I experienced what any foreign male walking alone or with other foreign males after 9 or 10 PM on any night will encounter: the motorbike whores.

Usually you don't see them coming. Like predatory big cats, they've spotted you long before you're aware of them and they often approach from behind. Since sidewalks are considered an extension of the street in Vietnam, they will drive right up to you and usually attempt to cut off your path to gain a little extra persuasion time. They almost always ride in pairs and the driver is the salesperson while the 'wares' are perched seductively on the back usually wearing low-cut tight pants or a short dress and often with exceptionally long dyed hair. You know it's dyed in Vietnam when it's anything other than jet black.

The driver often appears to be a cross dresser or 't girl' as they're sometimes referred to. This must be one of the occupations they've made a niche for themselves in. The pitch begins immediately: 'you want massage, boom boom, 1 hour, very cheap, very good, go hotel near here'. While the driver pitches the girl on the back smiles invitingly and strikes various provocative poses. What you're supposed to do if you decide to take them up on the offer is to hop on the back of the bike after your girl steps off. She will then take a taxi or some other mode of transport for your rendezvous at the hotel. The motorbikes they drive are usually new high-end bikes. I've been told by a local Vietnamese that they're usually rented just for this purpose.

Luckily for me I've never been even remotely interested in this idea. Even if I were interested in a massage, my better judgment has always prevented me from getting on the back of a stranger's motorbike to be driven away somewhere. I've heard various stories about what happens to those who are not so reluctant, from being directly robbed to actually experiencing the offered service. I met an American here who did try it out and he was obliging enough to share with me his experience.

Immediately upon hopping on the back of the motorbike, the driver took off at a breakneck pace, veering through traffic and not bothering to stop at traffic lights as she whisked him off to some unknown hotel in some unknown location. I imagine she drove this way simply to not give him a chance to change his mind and jump off the bike. That and to get down to business.

At the hotel he paid for the room and the girl who had initially enticed him actually did show up and they proceeded up to the room for the 'massage'. Upon entering the room, she instructed him to disrobe and join her in the shower. He says that while in the shower he kept his eye on the room door and noticed someone opened it and started to come in the room, but backed out when they could see he could see them. This was to rifle through his belongings to rob him of whatever they could get, no doubt. The only part of his story that I find a little hard to believe was that he didn't just leave at this point if not before!

After the shower they proceeded to the bed where she began massaging his back. After a few minutes she began hitting his back with her hands cupped in a way that made a loud sound. He says this was a signal because soon thereafter there was a knock on the door. The girl opened it and had a brief discussion and informed him that she had forgotten to leave her ID at the desk and had to go back to the lobby to take care of that. She left and that was the last he saw of her. He didn't actually disclose how much money he paid or lost, other than paying for the hotel room. He probably just didn't want to say.

Bottom line is that the whole business is a set-up and all parties are in on it. Not that that should be a surprise to anyone.

I've developed various tactics for deflecting these solicitations. Mostly I just don't spend much time around PNL anymore and if I do go there I ride my motorbike or bicycle. I've found that elevating yourself above walking status saves you from all the annoying sales pitches. But if I am walking and get approached I tell them I have a wife or girlfriend waiting in my hotel room and that's usually enough to get them to move on. If they're especially aggressive and won't leave, I turn the situation around on them by walking up and standing directly behind their motorbike, taking away their ability to block or see me and putting them in a vulnerable position, and begin blabbering English at them. They hate this and I've never had them wait more than a few seconds before roaring away when I do it.

I will cover more of the various PNL scams and traps in a subsequent post.

At a construction site near PNL, an old wall has been exposed revealing these billboards in French! I imagine they're from the pre-1954 era when the Viets kicked the French out for the last time with their surprising victory at Dien Bien Phu (Điện Biên Phủ).

Unfortunately I couldn't get as good of a shot as I wanted. This one is for a rum (Rhum) with what would now be a politically incorrect name.

This one is for a baby food.